Blowing My Own Mind

How, exactly, does one go from dreading the gym to craving the gym? I'm in amazement. Little elves must be running around in my head, cleaning old programs off of my internal hard drive. I am actually on my way to having a gym "habit".

We're at Week 5 now, of this new experience .I so enjoy the community...seeing the same faces every day on the treadmills, getting the same waves or smiles of camaraderie as I climb off the sweaty stationary bike and wipe it down for the next user. We've all got this habit now... and we're doing it together.  The Monday after New Year's Weekend the place was packed and it was almost insulting. All these eager and excited new faces pushing themselves to the limit, basking in the new feeling of hope and discipline. I felt encroached upon. I took comfort in the familiar faces. This was our territory and all of these newcomers were sort of messing up the vibe. But not to worry...they were all gone by Wednesday.  Short-lived devotion. A one-night stand with Lady Fitness.

I love watching how the demographic changes. In the early morning it's the older crowd....50s and 60 somethings who have learned through the School of Hard Knocks that starting your day with this routine is the best way to create consistency.  The Gray Hairs rule the 8 a.m. game, along with a few 30 somethings who are most likely busy moms squeezing in their cardio while the kids are at school.  Then around 5:30 all hell breaks loose and the gym is over-run with 20 somethings...an an air of vane insecurity is so thick in the sweaty vibe that you could cut it with a knife.  Tatooed boys with bandanas are swinging around the bar bells with no attention to controlling the weight....just obsessions with poundage and how their grunting and breathing accurately communicates the size of their penis. It's hilarious, really.  Last night some guy was grunting so loudly that he was drawing attention to himself from across the room, and when he dropped the bar bell on the floor with a loud ringing thud, the whole treadmill brigade swung their heads around to see if he was okay. I was hoping he'd be embarrassed, but instead he strutted around like a peacock...proud of his poundage.
Gimme a break.


The rest of plunged ahead...raising the elevation of our treadmills and turning up the volume on our Ipods.

It feels good to be a part of this tribe of soldiers....fighting the good fight against fat and laziness. I feel filled with possibility....even ready to entertain the idea of a surfing lessons this Spring. Wow.....I'm blowing my own mind.

She'll be round as the mountains when she comes

Falling off the Wagon

A cold came on hard the week of Christmas and stayed for a bit. Not much fun really. Plus I got a toothache. The kind where Advil, Tylenol, and any pain medication became my friend on an every 4-6 hour basis. I was tired, snotty, and felt like my head was floating above my body. So I did what I do when I don't feel great and there is food everywhere. I ATE and ATE and ATE... Came up for a breath on Christmas day and ran in the cold anyway then... I ate and ate and ate some more.

I got my tooth fixed a week later. My face was numb on the Monday before New Years. btw it was the first time my mouth has seen the inside of a dentist office in a very long long time. Needless to say I was feeling a wee bit sorry for myself. Pain. Dentist. Drilling. Numbness. I didn't want to face up to the reality of jumping of the wagon for the week of Christmas.

So Instead of: talking to someone, writing a blog entry, or screaming at the top of my lungs "STOP THE MADNESS"

I ATE and Ate and ate so more.

Then suddenly I awoke from my stupor. It was January 4th. I felt kinda ill honestly having eaten so much for two weeks and really having eaten foods that don't make me feel good. Especially the kinds of foods I eat in binge size quantities. 'Hello brownie bites, cookies, and trail mix [damn trail mix]'. Awaking from my stupor is normally crippling for me. I seriously beat myself up. (Nadine that dirty b....). Something new happened though. I got in communication.

My fiance had great advice:

1) Stop beating yourself up, feeling guilty, feeling bad etc. you can't change what has already happened

2) Learn from what happened and empower yourself

3) Hello it is the frigging first week of a the New Year. Consider it a new start and get back on wagon.

In the past I would have truly quit. Very likely give up. Gotten resentful. Gotten frustrated. Gotten righteous. Gotten a breakfast burrito smothered in green chile and cheese ; ) and gone numb again.

Instead...

I am reporting my results to you for week twelve and thirteen. I am declaring that I will end 2010 at my goal weight 160 pounds. I will join up for the transformation thingy Eryn is talking about. I just signed up for Weight Watchers online and will do the Fitness launch course by March 1st (I am currently playing the 12 week game but would like to do the launch weekend). Lastly that I will run a half-marathon by the fall of this year. Just cause. What the heck? Say new things (BIG THINGS) and have a new experience. yeehaw!!

Results for Week Twelve and Thirteen

Starting Weight Oct. 5th: 257.2

Last Reported Week 12/21/09 : 249

1/04/10: 249.4

+.4 pounds

T0TAL To Date Loss: 7.8 pounds

The Naked Truth (Before Pictures)

Okay....are you ready? I'm about to bear all. Michelle (the perky neighbor next door who lost her pedunka-dunk in the trunk) has got me signing up for www.transformation.com: an 18-week mind,body, spirit challenge to drop weight and get super-sculpted. I WAS IN THE GYM AT 8 A.M. ON NEW YEAR'S DAY!!! I have to take a lovely "before" picture and post it on line. They're also running a contest...whoever can make the most inspirational transformation (and write about it well) can win $50,000, a vacation, etc. So, well, I'm motivated.    Okay...here they are. The lovely "before" pictures. Dave is doing this with me, sort of. He did the photo for moral support, but then he plowed into a bag of chips afterwards so I'm not going to hold my breath for his "transformation". That's okay though,...I like his belly (for now).

AHHHHH! That was really hard!

Vince is kicking my ass at the gym, and I've significantly reduced how much food I'm eating, but I still haven't seen the scale drop. What I didn't realize is that in the first few weeks that you start lifting regularly, you actually sort of swell up and feel thicker. So I've got to past that part. I have felt a big difference in my legs and butt...sort of an emerging hardness, and a few new lines of tone that weren't there 3 weeks ago. Sort of like my "real" body is fighting to get out from under that layer of fat. Keep fighting, body! Keep fighting! You can do it!

I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this......

Motivation in a Bottle

Whenever I used to fantasize about winning the lottery or running into a bottomless pit of money....the first thing I'd do in my dreamworld was hire a personal trainer. Without fail, that was ALWAYS my first wish. I mean, that's why the celebrities can do it...right? They have help, they have someone educated telling them what to do, they have someone holding them accountable to going to the gym. They have someone watching over their reps, to make sure they didn't cheat. Help.....the magic key to success. 

And then something magical happened...I took off the delusional glasses and realized that hiring a trainer didn't require tons of money, and that if I cut back on a few unnecessary trips to Target and Amy's Flaming Burrito Barn, I'd have enough money for my very own trainer. Voila!  Between the Christmas and New Year's specials that my gym was running, I got a DEAL! And now....I have the thing of fairytales: Motivation in A Bottle.

And it truly is miraculous. Exercising is BEYOND EASY now, compared to the emotional teeth-pulling I had to do PPT (prior personal trainer). I looked at Lovely Vince the other day and asked him: "Do you REALLY know why it's so much easier to work-out with a you than by myself? Like, do you really get it...the magic of this process? Are you fully present to the miracle? The Christmas Miracle?".  He replied: ..."Well, I know it has something to do with motivation."

Oh, that was my opening.

"Let me break it down for you, Vince. YOU eliminate the choice to quit. It's that simple. When I bend down into that Butt Blaster machine and I'm whining and complaining about how much my glutes hurt with every rep, I know that I'm not going to stop at 12 reps or 13 reps or even 14 1/2 reps. I know I have to do 15 reps in every set because you're standing there, totally attentive and counting with me. That means of all the B.S. running around in my little brain, the one thing that cannot and IS NOT running around in my brain is the option to quit or cheat or do less.  That is magical. That is a Christmas Miracle".

Why is this so amazing....? Because quitting, cheating, doing less.....those are all the reasons I failed at losing weight and getting in shape for the last 15 years. That's the core of it. Before, I quit. Before, I didn't give it my all. Before, I cheated. Before, I gave up.  What happens when those things aren't even options anymore? Well...the problem is eliminated entirely.  As long as Vince is around, I will be successful.  Ah, the magic of a little help.

Now...if I could just hire someone to stand next to my refrigerator and portion out my food..... The cupboard police.  The Refrigerator Sheriff. Ah, he'd be so cute....a little elf that sat on the shelf at the grocery store, right next to the jar of Nutella...no, no...he needs to stand on my shopping cart and give me an electrical shock every time I drop something into that cart that is going to end up on my thighs. Sort of like the Tooth Fairy....only He'd be more like the Carb Fairy.....

Okay....Happy New Year... We're going into 2010 with optimism!

Merry Yule - The holidays are here

Creating the Holidays

aka Consciousness, Play, AND Pleasure

First Results

Results for Week Eleven

Starting Weight Oct. 5th: 257.2

Last Week Nov. 30: 246.4

Week Nine 12/7/09

This morning: 249

+2.6 pounds

Weight gain this week is a bummer but I am not going to dwell there. I have two weeks left in the year and I am going to rocket into 2010. I can seen that the weight gain is probably due to being sick last week, taking 3 days off of working out, and not tracking points for 4 days. I did run a 5K (3.2 miles) last week and was able to do so in 36 minutes. Pretty cool.

So my focus for this week is to enjoy the Holidays in a conscious and playful way. I plan on allowing myself to be present to the pleasure of the Holidays. The additional sights and sounds. Foods that I only have once a year. The opportunity to see members of my family that I typically only see once a year. My focus for the next 6 days is to practice being present to the game I am playing while being present to my family and all of the festivities.

I spoke with Eryn this morning and she reminded me of the joy I find in exercising. I know that I will enjoy the Holidays more if I bring activity to each day. I did that on Thanksgiving and I certainly enjoyed it more.

This morning I went on ON DEMAND on Comcast. They have exercise tv. I did a killer workout with Jillian Roberts (the Biggest Loser strength coach).

Next week... Completing 2009 and Creating 2010. I will share goals and areas for development.

Blessings to all and enjoy the Holidays fully. I promise I will.

Christmas: The Mt. Everest of Dieters

I want to create a new definition for Christmas. The collective belief about the holidays is that it's the time we're all bound to fall off the wagon, and then berate ourselves with guilt for days afterward. WHY would we consciously engage in this nonsense...it's like knowingly and willingly setting ourselves up for a mental beating. How masochistic!
This year I want to do something different... My new HOT trainer says that we go to the gym SO THAT we can treat ourselves and not feel guilty. Yesterday, as he's kicking my ass on the weight machines, we're chatting about how much fun it is to sneak yummy food into the movie theater in my big grandma purse.

Dave and I make a huge event out of going to the theater. We hate the gross, over-priced concession-stand food, so we pack a little tupperware of "gourmet" treats....like dark organic chocolate, dried fruit, gluten-free peanut butter cookies...whatever looks good in the "candy" aisle at Whole Foods... and we stuff it into my purse with two expertly made water bottles concealing our favorite cocktail, or Irish Coffee. Vince was just laughing his ass off at how excited I was by the ritual, but then as soon as I started to berate myself for all the calories, he said "No, Eryn...that's why you come into the gym, so you can do stuff like that. It's great bonding for you and your fiance...you can act like kids, sneaking food into the movies, necking in the back of the theatre..."

And I thought...."Heck, yeah! I don't always have to be a food Nazi if I'm consciously choosing to balance my choices with work-outs, etc."  It's true...when I've had a particularly acidic meal, like too many carbs or meat, I usually always balance it out at the next meal with extra vegetables...  And we can enjoy Christmas the same way.   We can have dessert, we can savor the home-cooked meals and Christmas Cookies and we can do it all with guilt-free enjoyment, IF we know that we're consciously choosing to eat lighter at the next meal and go for a longer workout, or sneak in an extra jog around the neighborhood. 

So anyway....that's my new outlook for the holidays. HAVE FUN, but trade the fun with some discipline the day before or the day after.

Vince scheduled an extra training session for me on the 24th, so I'll lift weights three times this week even though Friday is a holiday. The extra day makes me feel excited for Christmas, rather than dreading the temptation. :)

Oh, and I think it's time to start recording my weight the way Shoshanna does. Now that I'm on a regular regimen, I've got to be accountable to the readers: So here goes.
This morning, December 22. I weighed in at 186 pounds. My BMI is 30.5% Terrible, I know. Horrible, unhealthy....but heck, I'm not going to dwell on that. I'm just going to get my ass to the gym this afternoon and put one foot in front of the other. My short term goal is 26% BMI and my long-term goal (wedding in May) is 18%. Vince says it's do-able, so I believe him.

Happy Holidays everyone!!!

High on Endorphins! Why didn't I Do this Earlier???

Okay, I'm finally making some real progress so it's time for some pictorial reference points. This picture will have to suffice for my "before" shot. Look closely, I've got a belly that looks about 4 months pregnant, my arms are like long Italian sausages, and I have the famous double chin from my Mom's side of the family.

BUT NOT FOR LONG, BABY!

I am so excited to report that I've had two sessions with my HOT personal trainer, and already I feel amazing! More importantly, I scheduled my sessions for early in the morning...which started a very positive chain of events. Firstly, I go to bed earlier, which dramatically decreases my temptation to eat after dinner. If I'm not up, I'm not watching TV, and if I'm not watching TV, I have no need to munchy munch.

Also...just two days of weight-lifting for my core has given me INCREDIBLE relief from the usual debilitating back pain. I used to brace myself before sitting down in my car or bending over to put on my shoes....but the last two days have been filled with little overjoyed moments bending over and preparing myself to get a pinch in my back, and then being pleasant surprised that there was no pain.   Ah!!! There is hope!

So my hottie trainer, Vince, wants me to keep a food log as well. Everything gets written down... And I'm on track to exercise 6 days a week. Three days of weight training and cardio, and three days of just cardio. So far, it's been easy! Now I just need to keep the momentum.

I am SO amazed at easy it is to go to the gym when I'm accountable to someone else to be there. I always thought I'd have to be rich and "settled" before I had the time and money to hire a trainer, but with the economy being what it is, the gyms are giving killer deals right now. So I finally have what I thought I'd only have when I was "wealthy". I have support, I have a hot guy to stare at who is cheering me on, and I have a next-door neighbor who looks out her window to check to see if my car has left the drive-way on the mornings she knows I need to get into the gym. 

Yeah! It's so nice to not be alone with this anymore...  I do a lot of things alone...this is one that I don't have to!

And my call with Shoshanna was the most helpful tool of the week. Leave it to women to change their bodies and change the world by banding together!!

Happy Holidays!