Motivation in a Bottle

Whenever I used to fantasize about winning the lottery or running into a bottomless pit of money....the first thing I'd do in my dreamworld was hire a personal trainer. Without fail, that was ALWAYS my first wish. I mean, that's why the celebrities can do it...right? They have help, they have someone educated telling them what to do, they have someone holding them accountable to going to the gym. They have someone watching over their reps, to make sure they didn't cheat. Help.....the magic key to success. 

And then something magical happened...I took off the delusional glasses and realized that hiring a trainer didn't require tons of money, and that if I cut back on a few unnecessary trips to Target and Amy's Flaming Burrito Barn, I'd have enough money for my very own trainer. Voila!  Between the Christmas and New Year's specials that my gym was running, I got a DEAL! And now....I have the thing of fairytales: Motivation in A Bottle.

And it truly is miraculous. Exercising is BEYOND EASY now, compared to the emotional teeth-pulling I had to do PPT (prior personal trainer). I looked at Lovely Vince the other day and asked him: "Do you REALLY know why it's so much easier to work-out with a you than by myself? Like, do you really get it...the magic of this process? Are you fully present to the miracle? The Christmas Miracle?".  He replied: ..."Well, I know it has something to do with motivation."

Oh, that was my opening.

"Let me break it down for you, Vince. YOU eliminate the choice to quit. It's that simple. When I bend down into that Butt Blaster machine and I'm whining and complaining about how much my glutes hurt with every rep, I know that I'm not going to stop at 12 reps or 13 reps or even 14 1/2 reps. I know I have to do 15 reps in every set because you're standing there, totally attentive and counting with me. That means of all the B.S. running around in my little brain, the one thing that cannot and IS NOT running around in my brain is the option to quit or cheat or do less.  That is magical. That is a Christmas Miracle".

Why is this so amazing....? Because quitting, cheating, doing less.....those are all the reasons I failed at losing weight and getting in shape for the last 15 years. That's the core of it. Before, I quit. Before, I didn't give it my all. Before, I cheated. Before, I gave up.  What happens when those things aren't even options anymore? Well...the problem is eliminated entirely.  As long as Vince is around, I will be successful.  Ah, the magic of a little help.

Now...if I could just hire someone to stand next to my refrigerator and portion out my food..... The cupboard police.  The Refrigerator Sheriff. Ah, he'd be so cute....a little elf that sat on the shelf at the grocery store, right next to the jar of Nutella...no, no...he needs to stand on my shopping cart and give me an electrical shock every time I drop something into that cart that is going to end up on my thighs. Sort of like the Tooth Fairy....only He'd be more like the Carb Fairy.....

Okay....Happy New Year... We're going into 2010 with optimism!

Merry Yule - The holidays are here

Creating the Holidays

aka Consciousness, Play, AND Pleasure

First Results

Results for Week Eleven

Starting Weight Oct. 5th: 257.2

Last Week Nov. 30: 246.4

Week Nine 12/7/09

This morning: 249

+2.6 pounds

Weight gain this week is a bummer but I am not going to dwell there. I have two weeks left in the year and I am going to rocket into 2010. I can seen that the weight gain is probably due to being sick last week, taking 3 days off of working out, and not tracking points for 4 days. I did run a 5K (3.2 miles) last week and was able to do so in 36 minutes. Pretty cool.

So my focus for this week is to enjoy the Holidays in a conscious and playful way. I plan on allowing myself to be present to the pleasure of the Holidays. The additional sights and sounds. Foods that I only have once a year. The opportunity to see members of my family that I typically only see once a year. My focus for the next 6 days is to practice being present to the game I am playing while being present to my family and all of the festivities.

I spoke with Eryn this morning and she reminded me of the joy I find in exercising. I know that I will enjoy the Holidays more if I bring activity to each day. I did that on Thanksgiving and I certainly enjoyed it more.

This morning I went on ON DEMAND on Comcast. They have exercise tv. I did a killer workout with Jillian Roberts (the Biggest Loser strength coach).

Next week... Completing 2009 and Creating 2010. I will share goals and areas for development.

Blessings to all and enjoy the Holidays fully. I promise I will.

Christmas: The Mt. Everest of Dieters

I want to create a new definition for Christmas. The collective belief about the holidays is that it's the time we're all bound to fall off the wagon, and then berate ourselves with guilt for days afterward. WHY would we consciously engage in this nonsense...it's like knowingly and willingly setting ourselves up for a mental beating. How masochistic!
This year I want to do something different... My new HOT trainer says that we go to the gym SO THAT we can treat ourselves and not feel guilty. Yesterday, as he's kicking my ass on the weight machines, we're chatting about how much fun it is to sneak yummy food into the movie theater in my big grandma purse.

Dave and I make a huge event out of going to the theater. We hate the gross, over-priced concession-stand food, so we pack a little tupperware of "gourmet" treats....like dark organic chocolate, dried fruit, gluten-free peanut butter cookies...whatever looks good in the "candy" aisle at Whole Foods... and we stuff it into my purse with two expertly made water bottles concealing our favorite cocktail, or Irish Coffee. Vince was just laughing his ass off at how excited I was by the ritual, but then as soon as I started to berate myself for all the calories, he said "No, Eryn...that's why you come into the gym, so you can do stuff like that. It's great bonding for you and your fiance...you can act like kids, sneaking food into the movies, necking in the back of the theatre..."

And I thought...."Heck, yeah! I don't always have to be a food Nazi if I'm consciously choosing to balance my choices with work-outs, etc."  It's true...when I've had a particularly acidic meal, like too many carbs or meat, I usually always balance it out at the next meal with extra vegetables...  And we can enjoy Christmas the same way.   We can have dessert, we can savor the home-cooked meals and Christmas Cookies and we can do it all with guilt-free enjoyment, IF we know that we're consciously choosing to eat lighter at the next meal and go for a longer workout, or sneak in an extra jog around the neighborhood. 

So anyway....that's my new outlook for the holidays. HAVE FUN, but trade the fun with some discipline the day before or the day after.

Vince scheduled an extra training session for me on the 24th, so I'll lift weights three times this week even though Friday is a holiday. The extra day makes me feel excited for Christmas, rather than dreading the temptation. :)

Oh, and I think it's time to start recording my weight the way Shoshanna does. Now that I'm on a regular regimen, I've got to be accountable to the readers: So here goes.
This morning, December 22. I weighed in at 186 pounds. My BMI is 30.5% Terrible, I know. Horrible, unhealthy....but heck, I'm not going to dwell on that. I'm just going to get my ass to the gym this afternoon and put one foot in front of the other. My short term goal is 26% BMI and my long-term goal (wedding in May) is 18%. Vince says it's do-able, so I believe him.

Happy Holidays everyone!!!

High on Endorphins! Why didn't I Do this Earlier???

Okay, I'm finally making some real progress so it's time for some pictorial reference points. This picture will have to suffice for my "before" shot. Look closely, I've got a belly that looks about 4 months pregnant, my arms are like long Italian sausages, and I have the famous double chin from my Mom's side of the family.

BUT NOT FOR LONG, BABY!

I am so excited to report that I've had two sessions with my HOT personal trainer, and already I feel amazing! More importantly, I scheduled my sessions for early in the morning...which started a very positive chain of events. Firstly, I go to bed earlier, which dramatically decreases my temptation to eat after dinner. If I'm not up, I'm not watching TV, and if I'm not watching TV, I have no need to munchy munch.

Also...just two days of weight-lifting for my core has given me INCREDIBLE relief from the usual debilitating back pain. I used to brace myself before sitting down in my car or bending over to put on my shoes....but the last two days have been filled with little overjoyed moments bending over and preparing myself to get a pinch in my back, and then being pleasant surprised that there was no pain.   Ah!!! There is hope!

So my hottie trainer, Vince, wants me to keep a food log as well. Everything gets written down... And I'm on track to exercise 6 days a week. Three days of weight training and cardio, and three days of just cardio. So far, it's been easy! Now I just need to keep the momentum.

I am SO amazed at easy it is to go to the gym when I'm accountable to someone else to be there. I always thought I'd have to be rich and "settled" before I had the time and money to hire a trainer, but with the economy being what it is, the gyms are giving killer deals right now. So I finally have what I thought I'd only have when I was "wealthy". I have support, I have a hot guy to stare at who is cheering me on, and I have a next-door neighbor who looks out her window to check to see if my car has left the drive-way on the mornings she knows I need to get into the gym. 

Yeah! It's so nice to not be alone with this anymore...  I do a lot of things alone...this is one that I don't have to!

And my call with Shoshanna was the most helpful tool of the week. Leave it to women to change their bodies and change the world by banding together!!

Happy Holidays!

Interceding on my own behalf ~

Family Reunion July 2008 ~ 284 Pounds

Holiday Party 12/13/09 ~ 246.4 Pounds

Consider the postage stamp:

its usefulness consists in the ability to stick

to one thing till it gets there.

~Josh Billings

Results for Week Ten

Starting Weight Oct. 5th: 257.2

Last Week Nov. 30: 248.8

Week Nine 12/7/09

This morning: 246.4

-.8 pounds

Hi all. I find myself in a very familiar place mentally and emotionally. I have certainly been here before. At a certain stage of results, I begin to contemplate the following conversations - "Why am I doing this again?" "This is frigging hard?" "Couldn't I just take a pill or something?" "I have so FAR TO GO!! [boohoo]".

You get the idea. What I have never considered before is interceding on my own behalf. If a friend of mine was dealing with this, I would have the following conversation with them. Below is Myself coaching me ; )

Ok... Shoshanna. I know you feel like you have hardly moved yourself from start to

anywhere that matters. But that is just a conversation in your head. You feel and

look differently. Your clothes fit differently. Your flexibility and strength are increasing.

Just think about it -

Were you getting up 5-7 days a week exercising before? No...

Could you run 3.5 miles straight 10 weeks ago? No..

Did reaching goal weight seem possible before? No...

Well if you aren't sure look at some damn pictures. Get into reality. Acknowledge the big and

small victories. (See pics above). You can see your neck. You got cheek bones. Your

skin looks luminous.

Yes, you would like to be at goal right now. But you're not. Take a moment and focus

on the Why?! Instead of focusing on the What and The How. When you get too focused

on the end result and all of the work it will take, it doesn't empower you so don't focus on

that.

So... After that great conversation with myself (hehehe), what I am really reminded of are

all of my goals. Feeling good everyday. Walking into my doctor's office and being a "healthy"

BMI for the first time in my life. Running a half-marathon, full marathon, or a triathlon

(Spring length). Being able to shop anywhere I want. Being able to talk with my mom

about something else. Wearing a regular swim suit. Most of all - I can feel what it would

be like to knowing myself as a courageous person. Cause not only did I accomplish my goal,

but I had the opportunity to inspire others to live healthy.

Who knows?! Skinny Bitches could start a revolution of healthy people who both reached

their health goals and realized they weren't fixing something, but instead where transforming

something mind, Body, and Spirit one moment a time.

[sigh]

Thank you for reading. For this week,I am taking on mileage in my runs now. I am

going to focus on nutrition this week. My 5-a day (fruit and veggies), water, taking

my multi-vitamin, and sleeping 8 hours a night.

Blessings all!!

My Neighbor is a Walking Billboard for Gold's Gym

Last Saturday my newest friend, Michelle, had her 40th birthday party. She's actually our next-door neighbor and the quintessential example of Southern Hospitality (even thought she's a transplant from Wisconsin). She's cute, bubbly, always calling out to me across the yard "Hey Girl! Howyadoin?"  I love her and I can't stand her...cuz she has this bottomless well of self-disclipline.

Two months ago, when we first moved in, she and her husband and two darling children came over to welcome us and give us a tour of our house (they knew more about the history of our house than we did). As all women do, (don't pretend you don't) I checked her out to see if I had anything to be jealous of. She was perfect in all ways...little waist, gorgeous, but ah...yep, there is it was....my saving grace: a lot too much in her pudunka a dunk. Definitely some junk in the trunk.

Now, of course, this Southern belle had popped out two kids and a little extra bummage is totally forgiveable. But it did even the playing field, so to speak. I didn't have to die of jealousy every time I saw her.

And then the unthinkable happened. She got all fired up before her 40th birthday and hired a trainer...went to the gym EVERY DAY for at least 30 minutes before picking up the kids from school, and OHMIGOSH, POOF....the junk in the trunk was gone! She looks amazing....tight muscles in her arms, smooth skin tone, flat belly, AHHHHH! I was green with envy and totally motivated at the same time! AND, her trainer ( a gorgeous and sweet black man with all sorts of charm) came to the party to celebrate her new body on her birthday. He must have signed up 5 ladies for training sessions that night. Even Dave woke up the next morning and said "we gotta get a gym membership".

Since both of our birthdays and Christmas fall into the same 4 week time period, and since Dave's mom is crazy about sending gifts....we called her up and requested cash for the gym and training sessions in lieu of other gifts. So I have no excuses now, I'm going to start training by Christmas! And I've already got a work-out buddy... Michelle is so stoked to go to the gym every day that she wants to get certified as a trainer, and I'll be her first practice client!

Other than the motivating weekend, we made big strides as well. We worked out almost every day and stopped snacking at night. My alcohol consumption is a fraction of what it used to be (even considering the parties), and I'm feeling very very hopeful.

Okay....skinny bitches! Bring it on!

Mind over trail mix

Estes Park, Colorado

"Rule your mind or it will rule you" Horace

Results for Week Nine

Starting Weight Oct. 5th: 257.2

Last Week Nov. 30: 248.8

Week Nine 12/7/09

This morning: 247.2

-1.6 pounds

The picture above is part of my victory of the past week. I went for a 40-minute run in Estes Park. Altitude 7,500 feet. It was cold enough to make my eyes water, and it was kicking my butt. As I neared 30 minutes though, I looked up and saw the scene from above. It caused me to take a deep breath and feel simultaneously very small yet very filled with aliveness. I love running.

This week was my first week of the Fitness Game. It was filled with challenges that I could predict and some that I wasn't expecting. Let's just say that trail mix was stronger than my brain Wednesday. I ate an entire bag of it. 1,300 calories. Opps. The first little bit tasted good, but I don't remember any part after that. I went on auto-pilot. It was on a day at work where I was doing bookkeeping stuff. It is very detail work but repetitive. In auto-pilot, I frequently crave crunchy, salty, and sweet. I guess I needed something to do with my mouth. Success. It took approximately 2+ hours to consume 5 cups of trail mix. ; )

Out of the "Trail Mix" experience, I re-commited to writing my Core Mindsets and reading them daily. In the Fitness Game, each person creates Core Mindsets. They are more than daily affirmations. Core Mindsets are designed to reprogram your brain. Fitness Game Prescription: Repeat until true. I created a few for my participation in the Fitness Game. Below is my favorite one.

Living Healthy is a joyful, daily expression of Mind, Body, and Spirit.

What it replaced was an old mindset.

“Living Healthy is the right way to live because being fat is WRONG (embarrassing and so on.)!!!!”

The underline can be replaced by any number of adjectives about how I feel about how much I weigh. This old mindset has spun me for years into a “should” and then “resist” cycle. So how it looks is I work really hard. I follow a diet very closely. I do all the exercising I am suppose to. I do this for a certain amount of time then... I resist or resent my need to do all of “this” (workout, eat healthy and so on). So I stop everything typically in secret. I eat whatever I want. I don't exercise. I go overboard to do the exact opposite whatever the original plan was.

While in this resist process, I mentally brow beat myself over and over for being lazy or not disciplined enough. Emotionally I feel bad or embarrassed or ashamed (or sometimes all three at once) every time I see someone exercising or being thinner than me, which because I have weighed in the high 200's for a long time means just about everyone else has been thinner than me. Physically I almost feel in pain cause of the mind crud and the emotional stuff. After a long day of beating myself up I either need consoling or want to numb out.

To break this blasted cycle is going to take some attention so my solutions are. One - I am going to take really good care of myself. Getting the sleep I need. Taking my vitamin. Listening to my body and knowing when I need to do yoga instead of going for a run. Two - Celebrating every fricking victory immediately. IMMEDIATELY!!! That includes celebrating with others as well as doing an end zone dance. Third – Practice choosing in every moment again and again and again yep again to live healthy. By choosing I mean taking the process of this moment by moment, meal by meal, workout session by workout session. This for me is the rest of my life.

So My Victories this Week include – Reaching 10 pounds lost. Losing 2 weeks in a row. Having a week where I ran twice and worked out 6 of 7 days. Not giving up and moving towards living healthy even after the Trail Mix incident. Going away for a weekend with friends and choosing every bite I put in my mouth. HUGE VICTORIES!!! Go Me... Any victories out there I can celebrate for you?

Namaste!!

If Shoshanna gets to have a sassy name for her inner defeator, I get to as well!
Except that my inner voice of defeat doesn't sound so sassy...she reminds me more of an old hag from the Middle Ages in a cold northern region of Europe, bitching about her tight corset, her lazy husband, and the recent increase of taxes to the king. Ha! Ah yes....her name is Irma. Penny-pinching Irma with no sense of humor and a bosom full of worries. In my head she's alway complaining that I'm not working hard enough and Dave is squandering all the natural resources of the western hemisphere by leaving the light on in his closet.

So it was a good week. "Birthday Week" as we say in the Welch/DeFoort household....a full week of revelry and self-indulgence to celebrate that I'm 34. I got a massage, I went to the salon and got bright Crayola-Red highlights in my hair, and we got to watch chick-flicks instead of guy-flicks!

I'm proud to say that I did not over-drink. In fact I believe I drank half of what I did the week before, some days not at all...which is a milestone. I only made it that far because we committed to making the Thanksgiving Break a time of activity, which cut down on the back pain. On Thursday morning we got up right away and took our bikes to a nearby park. On Friday my friend Pearl, from Denver, came for an overnight visit. We went out to eat at a tapas bar, which was so much fun....ordering several plates of tiny portions and dragging out the meal for hours...definitely gave the illusion that I ate a ton of food when I really didn't. The night did culminate in all of us dancing to Michael Jackson's "The Way You Make Me Feel" at 3 a.m. in our living room, so I think that counts as exercise.

Saturday and Sunday were more biking and yoga, and reasonable meals. I didn't drop any weight, which Irma was quick to point out, but I'm reminding her that this past week was about proving to myself that I can find other ways to reduce back pain than a bottle of wine. And to that goal, I am making progress. 

The coming week is about graduating from biking and yoga to an actual communion with my running shoes. Anybody have any suggestions for good running music?