Waking up again?? by Sho

Hello from your very absent (for 2 weeks) blogger. I have been dealing with a heap of health issues. Mostly from a diagnosis I received 5 years ago. PCOS - Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. It causes my body to not ovulate and to have a resistance to insulin. I thought it just meant that I had erratic, typically heavy periods, and an inability to get pregnant. 5 years ago I didn't give much thought to it. I wasn't concerned about getting pregnant.

Then 3 weeks ago I had by far the worst period I have ever had. It was heavy enough that they checked my red blood and iron levels. They thought I might need a blood transfusion. Long story short. I didn't need a transfusion as Zombie like as I felt. They put me on an anti-hormone medicine and recommended sleep and recovery.

I spent the next 14 days recovering. Sleeping. Eating. Working part time. I got frustrated by how tired I felt. I felt helpless. My body wasn't working the way I expect and want it to. On top of that I was on a pill. It made me REALLY REALLY hungry.

So I just stopped. Stopped what you ask? Well I stopped paying attention. Didn't work out. Slept a lot and begun to feel sorry for myself. It turned into a 3 week hiatus, which if you look back, I took a 2 week one during the holidays. All in all in the last 6 weeks, I had 5 weeks of unconsciousness. Sweet.

So as always I can beat myself up some more or... Just start again. I choose wake up.

WAKE UP

I realized something this morning. When I have failure, I don't question my playing of the game instead I question the game. Everyone and their brother gives me their advice and I get overwhelmed by the options. It would be like if every time Tiger missed the hole, he switched his swing. Like completely changed his philosophy of his game every time there was one failure. What I am realizing is that it isn't a question of the game but how fully I am play it. I know what works and what there is to work on.

Now feeling better what works is to work out. So starting tomorrow I will be back to my 5 days a week goal. I like sticking to it and it feels good.

Food oh food. I am out to master eating healthy. Giving my body the optimal fuel to reach my goal fitness, weight, and health. MY BODY. Not anyone else's. Mine. For me right now for the next 5-6 months, I will be following weight watchers. Tracking points and tracking every bit of food I eat. It means getting support to be honest and talking about what I am dealing with around food. 2010 is my year of mastery around food. Like a Kung Fu master of Weight Watchers. A friend of mine has lost 100 pounds on weight watchers cause she follows it to the letter. My Turn.

Thanks for reading....

Help? Is Muscle Really Heavier than Fat?

This blog is an inquiry to my readers... I need some answers from any of you who have experience in the gym. I can't get the damn scale to budge, but my body seems like it's changing every day! It's so confusing and discouraging at the same time. I work out SIX TIMES A WEEK, I pump iron three times a week, I'm sore every day (the good kind of sore) and I can feel a HUGE difference in my muscle tone. I can even see it...my arms are getting slimmer, my butt is getting perkier...but the scale is just hovering in the same general spot that it was when I started.

I need to understand the biology of what I'm doing. I'm eating maybe HALF of what I used to eat. My diet has cleaned up considerably and even in the last week I tried going down to nothing but protein shakes and vegetables...but hardly any change on the scale. I'm working out harder than ever, eating less...feeling good, but weighing about the same.  Just frustrating!  I've heard from others that when you first start working out (especially for women) you'll notice that you get thicker. But how long is this going to last?

On another note, Michelle (the perky neighbor) has me signed up for another Challenge at Gold's Gym. I've got 12 weeks to compete...before pictures, after pictures and a chance to a win a few thousands dollars. Today I go in for my "before" photos and measurements, so I'll compare those to the measurements from when I started to see if there's been a change.

This has been so much fun...frustrating, but really fun!

Blowing My Own Mind

How, exactly, does one go from dreading the gym to craving the gym? I'm in amazement. Little elves must be running around in my head, cleaning old programs off of my internal hard drive. I am actually on my way to having a gym "habit".

We're at Week 5 now, of this new experience .I so enjoy the community...seeing the same faces every day on the treadmills, getting the same waves or smiles of camaraderie as I climb off the sweaty stationary bike and wipe it down for the next user. We've all got this habit now... and we're doing it together.  The Monday after New Year's Weekend the place was packed and it was almost insulting. All these eager and excited new faces pushing themselves to the limit, basking in the new feeling of hope and discipline. I felt encroached upon. I took comfort in the familiar faces. This was our territory and all of these newcomers were sort of messing up the vibe. But not to worry...they were all gone by Wednesday.  Short-lived devotion. A one-night stand with Lady Fitness.

I love watching how the demographic changes. In the early morning it's the older crowd....50s and 60 somethings who have learned through the School of Hard Knocks that starting your day with this routine is the best way to create consistency.  The Gray Hairs rule the 8 a.m. game, along with a few 30 somethings who are most likely busy moms squeezing in their cardio while the kids are at school.  Then around 5:30 all hell breaks loose and the gym is over-run with 20 somethings...an an air of vane insecurity is so thick in the sweaty vibe that you could cut it with a knife.  Tatooed boys with bandanas are swinging around the bar bells with no attention to controlling the weight....just obsessions with poundage and how their grunting and breathing accurately communicates the size of their penis. It's hilarious, really.  Last night some guy was grunting so loudly that he was drawing attention to himself from across the room, and when he dropped the bar bell on the floor with a loud ringing thud, the whole treadmill brigade swung their heads around to see if he was okay. I was hoping he'd be embarrassed, but instead he strutted around like a peacock...proud of his poundage.
Gimme a break.


The rest of plunged ahead...raising the elevation of our treadmills and turning up the volume on our Ipods.

It feels good to be a part of this tribe of soldiers....fighting the good fight against fat and laziness. I feel filled with possibility....even ready to entertain the idea of a surfing lessons this Spring. Wow.....I'm blowing my own mind.

She'll be round as the mountains when she comes

Falling off the Wagon

A cold came on hard the week of Christmas and stayed for a bit. Not much fun really. Plus I got a toothache. The kind where Advil, Tylenol, and any pain medication became my friend on an every 4-6 hour basis. I was tired, snotty, and felt like my head was floating above my body. So I did what I do when I don't feel great and there is food everywhere. I ATE and ATE and ATE... Came up for a breath on Christmas day and ran in the cold anyway then... I ate and ate and ate some more.

I got my tooth fixed a week later. My face was numb on the Monday before New Years. btw it was the first time my mouth has seen the inside of a dentist office in a very long long time. Needless to say I was feeling a wee bit sorry for myself. Pain. Dentist. Drilling. Numbness. I didn't want to face up to the reality of jumping of the wagon for the week of Christmas.

So Instead of: talking to someone, writing a blog entry, or screaming at the top of my lungs "STOP THE MADNESS"

I ATE and Ate and ate so more.

Then suddenly I awoke from my stupor. It was January 4th. I felt kinda ill honestly having eaten so much for two weeks and really having eaten foods that don't make me feel good. Especially the kinds of foods I eat in binge size quantities. 'Hello brownie bites, cookies, and trail mix [damn trail mix]'. Awaking from my stupor is normally crippling for me. I seriously beat myself up. (Nadine that dirty b....). Something new happened though. I got in communication.

My fiance had great advice:

1) Stop beating yourself up, feeling guilty, feeling bad etc. you can't change what has already happened

2) Learn from what happened and empower yourself

3) Hello it is the frigging first week of a the New Year. Consider it a new start and get back on wagon.

In the past I would have truly quit. Very likely give up. Gotten resentful. Gotten frustrated. Gotten righteous. Gotten a breakfast burrito smothered in green chile and cheese ; ) and gone numb again.

Instead...

I am reporting my results to you for week twelve and thirteen. I am declaring that I will end 2010 at my goal weight 160 pounds. I will join up for the transformation thingy Eryn is talking about. I just signed up for Weight Watchers online and will do the Fitness launch course by March 1st (I am currently playing the 12 week game but would like to do the launch weekend). Lastly that I will run a half-marathon by the fall of this year. Just cause. What the heck? Say new things (BIG THINGS) and have a new experience. yeehaw!!

Results for Week Twelve and Thirteen

Starting Weight Oct. 5th: 257.2

Last Reported Week 12/21/09 : 249

1/04/10: 249.4

+.4 pounds

T0TAL To Date Loss: 7.8 pounds

The Naked Truth (Before Pictures)

Okay....are you ready? I'm about to bear all. Michelle (the perky neighbor next door who lost her pedunka-dunk in the trunk) has got me signing up for www.transformation.com: an 18-week mind,body, spirit challenge to drop weight and get super-sculpted. I WAS IN THE GYM AT 8 A.M. ON NEW YEAR'S DAY!!! I have to take a lovely "before" picture and post it on line. They're also running a contest...whoever can make the most inspirational transformation (and write about it well) can win $50,000, a vacation, etc. So, well, I'm motivated.    Okay...here they are. The lovely "before" pictures. Dave is doing this with me, sort of. He did the photo for moral support, but then he plowed into a bag of chips afterwards so I'm not going to hold my breath for his "transformation". That's okay though,...I like his belly (for now).

AHHHHH! That was really hard!

Vince is kicking my ass at the gym, and I've significantly reduced how much food I'm eating, but I still haven't seen the scale drop. What I didn't realize is that in the first few weeks that you start lifting regularly, you actually sort of swell up and feel thicker. So I've got to past that part. I have felt a big difference in my legs and butt...sort of an emerging hardness, and a few new lines of tone that weren't there 3 weeks ago. Sort of like my "real" body is fighting to get out from under that layer of fat. Keep fighting, body! Keep fighting! You can do it!

I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this......